TO: KENNY M.
SUBJECT: TREEBEARD FOR PRESIDENT

(edited by the FCC)

Murdock, how's your grandfather? I never watch his station anymore... You gotta wonder what sort of unholy fear is being felt in the heart of NPR employees everywhere... I'd suggest a comparison between Channel 4 and the BBC, but few would understand... even fewer than understood the need to SOY BOMB Bush at the Cardinals game... It's the only appropriate response, if you think about it... S.S. agents don't shoot if you don't have any way to conceal a gun, do they? I'm off my probation, it's a serious question... But no matter what you think of Bush, you should make sure that Kerry's beliefs are perfectly pure and in line with your own... wait, no, that's insane... cops don't have enough money, so let's hire bounty hunters on commission... I never thought I'd hear an overly romantic IRS Policy Proposal...

Write another group wide response that takes up 3 seconds of my dial-up time to read that consists of simply "ha!" and I'll eat your liver. I'm not joking, I have people who will help.

If people don't get my jokes, I don't care. Dyan, Beth, and Janet like me; and the approval of the matriarchy is all that matters. I hope you understand this as well.

I went to see Kerry on Saturday, nice fellow... Dick Gephardt proposed to his wife at the World's Fair pavilion, cute... I wonder if the rest of the crowd was thinking "WHAT A TOOL!" like me... But it seems to have worked out for him... I wanted to make a poster board sign that said "Hoom, Hoom!" but I went to the Zoo beforehand and I didn't want to upset the Chimpanzees... The new River's Edge place is great, by the way... You can only imagine how hard it is for me to resist whispering "Fear not friends, the Army of the 12 Monkees is coming for you!"... but I have amazing self-control... and a healthy fear of law enforcement... unlike Fr. Daniel Berrigan, S.J., whom I saw on Tuesday... I went with my brother, but not the one you know... I'm the oldest of Six, and you only know number three - just to clarify, this was number two... the creepy Lutheran Math Teacher at SLU said the state had a divine right to take up the sword that Christians should support, Berrigan called him a Nazi... It was good times... every time I go see something like that I remember why I wanted to be a priest... stop laughing, I'm over it and so should you be...

Since this is a letter, some may ask why in the world I have a right to pollute this fine blog like this. I've got $450 right, darn it! (I advise everyone to check on their friends and make them feel bad if they're not on there.)

Goodnight, until I drink again,

Matt

P.S. I noticed Dyan quoting something without having the knowledge of the mystical blockquote earlier. As I have taught Dyan and Beth how to do comments, and delete posts, I shall also assist with this:

This is a blockquote. Someday I'll send you a .css file to make it prettier, but right now it just differentiates text by indenting it. Use it when quoting news articles.

Thanks.