Thursday, May 06, 2004

I loved this post to Change for Missouri, so I asked the author, Greg Wiley , if I could post it here as well. Thanks Greg.

I took a few minutes to prepare a response to the "2004 Democratic Convention Program" which has been circulating on the web by republican "humor activists"

I just happened to have some insights into the Seminars being offered at
the 2004 Republican Convention. I heard they were getting a little
concerned about the "spontaneous grassroots" effort across the country
to wrest the control of the government from corporate interests.

Republican Convention Seminars:(Attend any 3 and receive 45 Continuing Education credits from Bob Jones

Rule #1: The majority of people don't vote, and those that do, don't
know the issues: (always speak in 3 word sound bites)

Using your Opponent’s Strengths Against Him. (even the Pope’ made a
mistake, dig deeper you'll be rewarded)

Trashing War Heroes (example: John McCain "may" be suffering from his
years in prison)

Using Christian Right Telemarketers (they'll say or do anything, if
they're told it's “God’s Work”, - see John McCain, "Illegitimate
Children" Survey results)

Making the Most of Past Smear Campaign Dollars (see Ted, Hillary, Bill,
McGovern, Mondale, Johnson, Carter etc. . .)

Connecting your Opponent to Unrelated People & Events (Digital photo
manipulation: see Kerry/Fonda picture)

Using Corporate America to your Advantage: (see Ken Lay and Enron, World
Com, Halliburton)

Divorcing Yourself from Former Key Benefactors who get Caught: (see above)

Taking Care of Friends First: (whisking Osama bin Laden's family out of
the country - advising the Saud family before your Secretary of Defense)

Blaming Privatization and Corporate Manipulations of Markets on you
Opponent: (see successful California Governor recall)

Distancing yourself from your Gay Daughters: (christian “morals" and
"values” and the "Party" come before Family -- see Cheney, Gingrich et
al and Book of Leviticus for sound bites)

Investigate, Investigate, Investigate: (this distracts everyone from the
issues and cripples government – find something and Investigate)

Maximizing your Investments: (never, never, drop an investigation – the
truth is not the point – - you're crippling your opponents, hamstringing
government and the public is clueless)

Keeping the Facts at Hand: (write your 3 word sound bites on your hand)

How to move your Corporation HQ off shore to avoid taxes and still
maintaining Government Contracts: (see Moving Jobs Off-shore and PAC
Donation primers)

Tax Cuts: (reward your friends, cripple government, force privatization)

Blaming Deficit Spending on Democrats in a totally Republican
Government: (see above and Hall of Fame, "Tax & Spend", 3 word sound bite)

Moving the Tax Burden to Non Republicans (see above)

Corporate Welfare: (the only really legitimate welfare)

Convincing the Jobless that their Interests are the Same as Corporate
America: (see Rush Limbaugh et al)

Fundraising: (remember its all about marketing and that takes money – we
can buy anything)

Don't let the Truth get in your Way: (always repeat your 3 word sound
bites regardless of the question – maximize your investment – you'll
look consistent – you can say “your opponent waffled”, another good 3
word sound bite)

Rule #2: You don't have to Win to be President, just Close (the Supreme
Court now votes along party lines so we're in)


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