Monday, March 29, 2004

Funnies

Jimmy Kimmel Live:

Kimmel: "A California man he's an atheist went before of the Supreme Court yesterday. He's hoping to get the phrase, "under God," removed from the Pledge of Allegiance. He said it makes the pledge a prayer, and praying is of course forbidden in public schools. This is him on the news yesterday."
Harry Smith [segment from CBS' The Early Show]: "Tell me what it is exactly that you object to."
Michael Newdow [standing in front the U.S. Supreme Court]: "That I don't believe there is a God. And why when I pledge allegiance to my flag [fake lighting strikes behind him], or my child does in public school [another strike] should be [third strike ignites Newdow]…

Late Show With David Letterman

Letterman: "The category tonight — top ten ways Dennis Kucinich can still be the next president of the United States. Number two:"
Kucinich: "Get the governors of every state to rig the election."
Letterman: "And the number one way Dennis Kucinich can still be the next president of the United States:"
Kucinich: "I'm praying for a sex scandal."

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart:

Stewart: "McClennan did actually refute one of Clark's accusations. That the president ordered Clark to find a link between Al Qaeda and Iraq the day after 9/11."
White House spokesman Scott McClennan: "He doesn't recall that conversation or meeting. I mean there is not record of the President being in the situation room on that day it was alleged to have happened, on the day of Sept. 12."
Stewart: "Let me get this straight: On Sept. 12, 2001, Bush didn't use the situation room? What situation was he saving it for? You know what, honestly, take the plastic off the chairs and use the situation room! Sinatra ain't comin' over!

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